Every great mystic and saint tells us that the very fabric of the Universe vibrates at the frequency of love. Though we know this to be true in our bones, we still struggle to find and keep love. Why is this? And what can we do to keep love in our lives? Here are five insights:
1. We use the wrong metaphor
It is easy to be swept away by the sweet poetry and magic of love. When love carries us away in its arms we feel whole. We feel unified with our lover and we believe that we have found our soul mate. For a lucky few this indeed is a permanent state, but for most this is the beginning of a journey not its end. For most the idea of love as unification with another soul is a false metaphor as it implies that having temporarily achieved this state you have reached your destination.
2. Love is about two people not one
Even though the magical power of love seems to fuse lovers together, it is important to understand that the long-term theme of love is about two distinct individuals. The better metaphor of love is that it is about two intertwined stories that have chosen to unfold together.
3. Pay heed to ego
The key to success for a long-term relationship is to understand the role of egos. Love can temporarily push away egos and allow us to feel its magical rapture, but keep in mind that this is not permanent. Eventually egos arise. Hoping that the power of the initial magic will carry you through the roadblocks posed by egos will likely lead to disappointment.
“If we are to grow in love, the prisons of our egoism must be unlocked.” – Jean Vanier.
4. Do you want to be right or in love?
This means keeping love in our lives does not happen automatically. You have to work towards it. The key is to understand that love is not just about your story, but your partner’s story too. Each partner has to learn to pay attention to the other’s story and point of view. This means attention, it means listening, and it means empathy. One cannot merely wish away the ego, both in yourself or your partner. It means that you have to be able to set aside your own point of view and be able to truly listen and understand what your partner is saying.
“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” – Friedrich Nietzsche
5. The journey into yoga is a journey into love
If the ego is absent, love is our natural state. Since yoga is a journey out of ego, it follows that it is also a journey into love. It may be incorrect to view yoga as merely something to do just with postures. Yoga is much broader than that. It is ultimately a journey within, which helps us better understand ourselves. This self-knowledge provides confidence, calm, and strength. It takes away unnecessary drama out of a relationship and lets love bloom.
”Be at least as interested in what goes on inside you as what happens outside. If you get the inside right, the outside will fall into place.” – Eckhart Tolle
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