My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I just couldn’t concentrate on the same old boring rind, so I got canned.
Next, I became a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the ax.
I was employed at a diet center, but I got downsized.
I became a baker, but I turned out to be a loafer and couldn’t make enough dough.
Then I opened a doughnut shop, but I soon got tired of the hole business.
I manufactured calendars, but my days were numbered.
After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it, mainly because it was a sew-sew job, de-pleating and de-pressing.
I took a job as an upholsterer, but I never recovered.
Next I worked in a muffler factory, but that was exhausting.
I became a drill press operator, but the job was too boring.
I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it.
I became a hairdresser, but the job was just too cut and dried.
I tried telemarketing, but I had too many hang-ups.
I manned a computer but developed a terminal illness and lost my drive and my memory.
I sold origami, but the business folded.
I became a judge, but the job was too trying and soon lost its appeal.
I became a tennis pro, but it wasn’t my racket. I was too high strung.
I tried being a teacher, but I soon lost my principal, my faculties and my class.
I trained to be a ballet dancer, but it was too-too difficult.
I became a farmer, but I wasn’t outstanding in my field.
Then I was a pilot. I flew by the seat of my pants, but I didn’t have the right altitude.
So I’ve retired — and I find I’m a perfect fit for this job!
Credit: This is a poem by Richard Lederer. You will find the full version here.
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