How Did He Marry You?

marraige proposal
A 65 yr old Billionaire came to the bar with her hot and handsome young stud husband.

Her friend took her aside, “How did he marry you?” She asked.

Billionairess: “I lied about my age!”

Friend: “You said 45?”

Billionairess: “No! I said 85!!”

You may also like: Pain Reliever

No CommentsAdd a Comment »
 

Mom, Are You Okay?

Hi Mom

I had a blind date last night. But I was concerned – What do I do if she’s really someone I don’t like at all ? I’ll be stuck with her with no easy way out.

Turns out, there’s an app for that.

It’s called “Mom Are You Ok”. It schedules your phone to ring just after you meet her.

If you like her, you ignore it.

If you want to cut short the date, you answer with, “Mom ? What’s the matter ? Are you okay ?”

It works every time.

So I knocked on the girl’s door. Turns out I needn’t have worried.

She was gorgeous! I couldn’t get over how attractive she was!!

Just as I was about to speak to her, her phone rang.

She answered it and said, “Mom, what’s the matter ? Are you okay ?” !!!

You may also like: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

No CommentsAdd a Comment »
 

Intelligent Life?

Alien Question
The first alien, “The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons.”

The second alien asks, “Are they an emerging intelligence?”

The first alien responds, “I don’t think so, they have them aimed at themselves!”

You may also like: Grizzly Conversion

No CommentsAdd a Comment »
 

Tomato Help

Tomato Help
An old Italian gentleman lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,

I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Papa,

Don’t dig up that garden. That’ s where the bodies are buried.
Love, Vinnie

At 4 a.m. The next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Papa,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you, Vinnie.

You may also like: Some Play On Words

Credit: Source Unknown.

No CommentsAdd a Comment »
 

Trumpets And Guns

Trumpet And Guns

In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns.

One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, “So how is your strange business going?”

“What do you mean strange?”

“Because you sell only trumpets and guns!”

“So?”

“Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?”

“It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbours buys a gun!”

You may also like: I Am Just Fine!

No CommentsAdd a Comment »