Why I Became A Lawyer!

Empty Hands
There was a job opening in one of the country’s most prestigious law firms, and it finally comes down to Robert and Paul. Both graduated magna cum laude from law school. Both come from good families. Both are equally attractive and well spoken. It’s up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes each aside and asks, “Why did you become a lawyer?” In seconds, he chooses Paul.

Baffled, Robert takes Paul aside. “I don’t understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I told him that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I’d lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. What in the world did you tell him?”

“I told him I became a lawyer because of my hands,”

Paul replies. “Your hands? What do you mean?”

“Well, I took a look one day and there wasn’t any money in either of them!”

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Jim Carey – How Wealthy People Laugh

Ever wondered how the really wealthy amongst us laugh? Here is Jim Carey’s interpretation! Laugh and share.

Related: Stand up Comedy By Jim Carey

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Dead Dog

Dead DogA man runs into the vet’s office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments, tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.

The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog’s body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, poking and sniffing the dog’s body and finally looks at the vet and meows.

The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the cat thinks that you’re dog is dead, too.” The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. So the vet brings in a black Labrador retriever. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too.”

The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, “$650.”

“$650 to tell me my dog is dead?” exclaims the man.

“Well,” the vet replies, “I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests.

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Forgive Us Our Trespass

Forgive Us Our TrespassA minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn’t find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the wind-shield wiper that read:

“I have circled the block 10 times. If I don’t park here, I’ll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses.”

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note:

“I’ve circled this block for 10 years. If I don’t give you a ticket I’ll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation.”

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Credits: Source unknown. Came to us via e-mail.

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No Pun Intended!

Dawned On Me


I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down. Continue reading

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