I am Just Fine!

I am Fine

A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde.

“Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine,’?” asked the lawyer.

Clyde responded, “Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie…”

“I didn’t ask for any details”, the lawyer interrupted. “Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine!’?”

Clyde said, “Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road…..”

The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud.

Please tell him to simply answer the question.”

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde’s answer and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie”.

Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded.
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Golf Story

Overturned Cart

One day I accidentally overturned my cart.

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out,

Golf Story

“Are you okay, what’s your name?”

“It’s Jack , and I’m OK thanks,” I replied.

“Jack , forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while, and I’ll help you get the cart up later.”

“That’s mighty nice of you,” I answered,”but I don’t think my wife would like it.”

“Oh, come on,” Elizabeth insisted.

She was very pretty and persuasive.

“Well okay,” I finally agreed, and added, “but my wife won’t like it.”

After a restorative brandy, she insisted that I remove my clothes and she would give me a massage. After she’d finished, I thanked my host and made my way to the door.

“I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset.”

“Don’t be silly!” Elizabeth said with a smile, “She won’t know anything. Where is she, anyway?”

“Under the cart!” I said..

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Credit: Source unknown. Came to us via e-mail.

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Crochet Dolls

Crochet Dolls

A man and woman had been happily married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They talked about everything. They kept no secrets. Except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife’s bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents.

‘When we were to be married,’ she said, ‘ my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.’

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

‘Honey,’ he said, ‘that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?’

‘Oh,’ she said, ‘that’s the money I made from selling the dolls.’

Credit: Original source unknown. Found this on Facebook.

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The Popular Gorilla

The Gorilla

A gorilla dies of old age at a zoo right before the zoo opens. It is the only gorilla at the zoo since they are not very profitable. However, the gorilla is their most popular attraction by far, and they cannot afford to go a day without it. So the zoo owner asks one of his workers to wear a gorilla suit they have in storage for an extra $100 a day if he will go in the gorilla cage and pretend to be the gorilla until the zoo can afford a new one.

Quickly, the new “gorilla” becomes the most popular craze at the zoo because of his antics. People from all over are coming to see the new crazy gorilla. About a month in, the craze has started to wear off. So, to get peoples attention back, he decides to climb over his enclosure and hang from the net ceiling above the lions den next to him. A large crowd of people gather watching the spectacle in awe and terror. Suddenly the man loses his grip and falls to the floor of the lions den.

The man starts screaming, “HELP!! HELP!!!”

Suddenly a lion pounces on him from behind and whispers in his ear, “If you don’t shut up you’re going to get us both fired.”

Credit: Source unknown.

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Dear Mom

Dear Mom

A mother passing by her daughter’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, “Mom.” With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I’ve been finding real passion with Eric and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it’s not only the passion Mom, I’m pregnant and Eric said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that’s now one of my dreams too. Eric taught me that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone and we’ll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Eric can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don’t worry Mom, I’m 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I’m sure we’ll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children.

Your daughter, Judith

PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I’m over at the neighbor’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that’s in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

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