When I Grow Up I Want To Be Like Mom

When I Grow Up I Want To Be Like Mom

A first grade girl handed in the drawing above for her homework assignment.

The teacher graded it and the child brought it home. She returned to school the next day with the following note:

Dear Ms. Davis,

I want to be perfectly clear on my child’s homework illustration.

It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint surrounded by male customers with money. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm.

This drawing is of me selling a shovel.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Harrington

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Hot Bath

Hot Bath

Feeling edgy, a man took a hot bath. Just as he’d become comfortable, the front doorbell rang. The man got out of the tub, put on terry cloth slippers and a large towel, wrapped his head in a smaller towel, and went to the door. A salesman at the door wanted to know if he needed any magazines. Slamming the door, the man returned to the bath.

The doorbell rang again. On went the slippers and towels, and the man started for the door again. He took one step, slipped on a wet spot, fell, and hit his back against the hard porcelain of the tub.

Cursing under his breath, the man struggled into his street clothes and, with every move a stab of pain, drove to the doctor. After examining him, the doctor said, “You know, you’ve been lucky. Nothing is broken. But you need to relax. Why don’t you go home and take a long hot bath?”.

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Flawed Experiment

Food Or Sex

It was a practical session in the psychology class. The professor showed the class a large cage with a male rat in it. The rat was in the middle of the cage.

Then, the professor put a piece of cake on one side of the cage and he placed a female rat on the other side. The male rat ran towards the cake and ate it.

Then, the professor put in some cheese. The male rat ran towards the cheese and ate it. This experiment went on with the professor alternating the cake and the cheese in the cage. Every time, the male rat ran towards the food item and never towards the female rat.

The professor said: “This experiment shows that food is the most important attraction for males.”

Then one of the students from the back rows said, “Sir, why don’t you change the female rat?”

The professor responded,“Why do you think that might change the results, young man?”

The student promptly replied, “Because the one you’re using might be his wife!”

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A Singing Frog

Singing Frog
A mangy looking guy goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender immediately tells him, “No way. I don’t think you can pay for it.”

The guy replies, “You’re right. I don’t have any money, but if I show you something you haven’t seen before, will you give me a drink?”

The bartender is unmoved, “Only if what you show me ain’t risque.”

“Deal!” says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, climbs down the bar, runs across the room, up the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing a tune. The hamster is really good.

The bartender is impressed and gives him a drink, “You’re right. I’ve never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano.”

The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another. “Money or another miracle, or else no drink”, says the bartender.

The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch. Truly a fine singer.

A stranger from the other end of the bar who has been watching runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog. The guy says, “It’s a deal.”

He takes the three hundred and gives the stranger the frog. The stranger runs out of the bar with the frog.

The bartender is stunned, “Are you some kind of nut? You sold a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy.”

“Not so”, says the guy. “The hamster is also a ventriloquist.”

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Gotcha?

Gotcha

One morning, a guy goes into a coffee shop and orders a large cappuccino. As he is about to leave, he asks the waitress for his bill.

“$2.60,” she says.

The guy then produces 260 pennies, drops them on the floor and leaves.

This happens every morning for the next few days until one morning the guy wants to pay with a five-dollar bill.

Gotcha, thinks the waitress, who has been waiting for this day to get her revenge. She walks over to the guy’s table and drops 240 pennies onto the floor.

“Your change,” she says with a smug little smile.

The guy reaches into his pocket, pulls out a couple of dimes and places them on the table.

“Another large cappuccino, please.”

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