Low Energy Problem

Low EnergyA man went to the doctor because he was concerned about his lessening level of energy.

He told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do.

When the examination was complete, he said, “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.”

“Well, in plain English,” the doctor replied, “you’re just lazy.”

“Okay,” said the man. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”

Editor’s note: “Pigritia” is Latin for laziness. So one possible answer the doctor could have provided is: “Pigritiatitis”.

Credits: Source unknown

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What Women Want In a Man

What Women Want In A ManWhat I want in a Man, Original List
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)
1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn’t drive off until I’m in the car
3. Works steady – splurges on eating dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I’m talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends Continue reading

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Who Am I Talking To?

Who Am I Talking To?A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me sir, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don’t know where I am.”

The man below replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.”

”You must be an engineer,” said the lady balloonist.

“I am”, replied the man. ‘How did you know?’

”Well”, answered the lady in the balloon, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip even more.”

The engineer below responded, “You must be in Top Management.”

”I am”, replied the lady balloonist, “but, how did you know ?”

“Well,” said the Engineer, “You don’t know where you are, or where you’re going. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you, to solve your problems.”

Credit: Source unknown. Came to us via e-mail.

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Three Men In A Waiting Room

Three FathersThere were three fathers to be in a hospital waiting room, waiting for their babies to be born.

The first nurse comes out and tells the first father, “Congratulations you’re the father of twins!” He says, “Great! I am the manager for the Minnesota Twins.”

The second nurse comes out and tells the second father, “Congratulations you’re the father of triplets”! He says, “That’s cool! I work for 3M.”

The third father opens the window and jumps out.

The third nurse comes out, and asks, “Where’s the third father?”

One of the other fathers said, “Oh he jumped out the window.”

The nurse asks, “Why?”

He replied, “He works for Seven Up!”

Credits: We found this joke here.

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Is He A Good Husband?

How Good Husband Is He?
In the Old Country, the Rabbi of a small town died. His widow, the Rebbetzin, was so disconsolate that the people of the town decided that she ought to get married again. But the town was so small that the only eligible bachelor was the town butcher. The poor Rebbetzin was somewhat dismayed because she had been wed to a scholar, and the butcher had no great formal education. However, she was lonely, so she agreed, and they were married.

After the marriage, Friday came. She went to the mikvah (a Jewish ritual bath to get rid of impurities). Then, she went home to light the candles. The butcher leaned over to her and said, “My mother, Hana, told me that after the mikvah and before lighting the candles, it’s good to have sex.” So they did.

She lit the candles. He leaned over again and said, “My father, Shmuel, told me that after lighting the candles it’s good to make love.” So they did.

They went to bed after saying their prayers. When they awoke, he said to her, “My grandmother, Rivka, said that before you go to the synagogue it’s good to have sex.” So they did.

After praying all morning, they came home to rest. Again he whispers in her ear, “My grandfather, Moishe, says after praying it’s good to have sex.” So they did.

On Sunday she went out to shop for food and met a friend who asked, “So how is the new husband?”

She replied, “Well, a scholar he isn’t, but he comes from a very learned family.”

Credits: Source unknown. Came to us via e-mail.

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