Police Emergency!

Police Emergency
George Phillips was going to bed when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.

He immediately phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?” and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.

George said, “Okay,” hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

“Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I’ve just shot them all.” Continue reading

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Sherlock And Watson

Camping
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.

Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.”

Holmes said: “and what do you deduce from that?”

Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.”

And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent!!”

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Free Speech

In a democracy everyone has a right to free speech. Enjoy and share.

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The King And His Friend

The King And His Friend
An king had a close friend who had the habit of remarking “this is good” after anything that happened no matter what it was. One day the king and his friend were out hunting. The king’s friend loaded a gun and handed it to the king, but alas it misfired and the King’s thumb was blown off.

“This is good!” exclaimed his friend.

The horrified and bleeding king was furious. “How can you say this is good? This is obviously horrible!” he shouted.

The king put his friend in jail.

About a year later the king went hunting by himself. Cannibals captured him and took him to their village. They tied his hands, stacked some wood, set up a stake and bound him to it. As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the king was missing a thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone who was less than whole. They untied the king and sent him on his way.

Full of remorse the king rushed to the prison to release his friend.

“You were right, it WAS good” the king said.

The king told his friend how the missing thumb saved his life and added, “I feel so sad that I locked you in jail.That was such a bad thing to do”

“NO! this is good!” responded his delighted friend.

“Oh, how could that be good my friend, I did a terrible thing to you while I owe you my life”.

“It is good,” said his friend, “because if I weren’t in jail I would have been hunting with you and they would have eaten me!”

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How Did You Know?

Three Women
A young man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.”

The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.

He then says, “Okay, Ma. Guess which one I’m going to marry.”

She immediately replies, “The red-head on the right.”

Stunned, the young man says, “That’s amazing, Ma. You’re right. How did you know?”

“I don’t like her,” she says.

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