A proud and confident genius makes a bet with John who is known to be not too bright. The genius says, “Hey John, every question I ask you that you don’t know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can’t answer yours I will give you $5,000.”
John says, “Okay.”
The genius then asks, “How many continents are there in the world?”
John doesn’t know and hands over the $5. He then asks, “Now my turn. What animal stands with two legs but sleeps with three?”
The genius tries and searches very hard for the answer but gives up and hands over the $5000. The genius says, “Dang it, I lost. By the way, what was the answer to your question?”
John hands over $5. “I have no idea,” he says as he leaves while he puts the remaining money in his pocket.
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Credit: Source unknown.
A 1st grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and had them come up with the rest…
Better safe than … Punching a 5th grader.
Don’t bite the hand that … Looks dirty.
No news is … Impossible.
A miss is as good as a … Mr.
You can’t teach an old dog new … Math.
Late one night a burglar broke into a house and while he was sneaking around he heard a voice say, “St. Judas is watching you!”
He looked around and saw nothing. He kept on creeping and again heard, “St. Judas is watching you!”
In a dark corner, he saw a cage with a parrot inside. The burglar asked the parrot, “Was it you who said St. Judas is watching me?”
The parrot replied, “Yes.” Relieved, the burglar asked, “What is your name?”
“Clarence,” the parrot replied.
The burglar said, “That’s a stupid name for a parrot. What idiot named you Clarence?”
The parrot answered, “The same idiot that named the Rottweiler St. Judas!”
Credit: Source Unknown.
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A cute young lady goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact I’ve farted at least 10 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was farting because they don’t smell and are silent.”
The doctor says, “I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week.”
The next week the lady returns. “Doctor,” she says, “I don’t know what the heck you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, stink terribly”.
“Good,” the doctor said. “Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s work on your hearing.”
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Credit: Source unknown. Found on internet.
A child asked his father, “How were babies made?”
So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.”
The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.”
The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!”
His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”
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