Stone, 24, and Holt, 20, were sitting in a car stopped in traffic on an interstate highway in the summer of 2009. Suddenly an out of control tractor-trailer crashed into their car, killing the two brothers. In that one cruel instant, Linton Weeks, NPR’s digital reporter lost all his children. In a touching and poignant piece aired recently on NPR, Linton Weeks explains what you should do when someone you know loses a child:
1. “I am sorry” is all that is to say.
When you meet someone who has lost a child what can you say? “I am sorry” is a start, but it may be all there is to say. No further words are necessary.
2. Express love and concern through action not words.
When someone you know has lost a child, they need support. Small actions showing this support count. Setting up food delivery systems, helping with cleaning the driveway, leaving thoughtful gifts at the doorsteps, are examples of such actions.
3. Silence is the best thing to do.
You don’t need to say anything. Just hold their hands, hold them, hug them, and stay around for an hour or so.
4. Reliving memories helps.
Friends can help by reliving memories. Posting simple messages on Facebook reliving memories, remembering them on their birthdays, establishing memorials in schools and colleges, are some ways you can help your friends who have lost a child.
Bereavement from a lost child is not something parents ever recover from fully. Patient and thoughtful continuing support is required. As Linton Weeks says in his piece, “Actually, it’s what Jan and I, as bereaved parents, will need for the rest of our lives. The world may recover from the deaths of our children. We will never fully recover from such life wounds. How could we?”
Related:
Compassionate Minds: A support group for those who have lost a child
Credits:
This has been distilled from a piece by Linton Weeks aired on NPR.